The Keys to Getting Out of Here

You guys know about the usual rigmarole that involves this last day of school. It is absolute chaos with teachers trying to turn in grades and whatnot. Previously, I’ve mentioned what a pain it is to turn our keys in on the last day. Let me elaborate on that. For some reason the AP in charge of this always makes himself difficult to find. During the entire day announcements will be made of where he is and it always all over the place.

Mr. Bartolli is in the auto shop if you want to turn in your keys.

If you’re near the auditorium, then you may want to catch Mr. Bartolli there to give him your keys.

Don’t look now, but Bartolli is in the counselors’ office.

Not only that, but sometimes there’s a time limit to where he’s at.

For the next ten minutes Bartolli will be in the cafeteria.

Science labs—fifty-nine, fifty-eight, fifty-seven…

It’s like this guys a freakin’ leprechaun or something that we have to chase down to find the pot of gold, which in this case is getting the hell out of here. I’m half expecting the announcements to be riddles that we have to figure out to know where he is.

There’s a board, but the teacher never writes on it. There are lanes, but you can’t drive your car in them.

“I know! The pool!”

This may be the year that I return my keys attached to a rock—that I throw through his windshield.

Have a great summer!

One Final Test

So this student asked me if I think she passed. Typically, this is no big deal. As soon as tests are turned in, kids will ask me if they passed or not. Mind you that I haven’t had a chance to pick up the test, let alone grade the thing. This time though, she asked before she had even taken her test. Obviously, I didn’t know how to answer her. I mean last week, I’d reviewed with her what she would have to get on the final to result in the various letter grades, so I’m not sure how she thought asking the question then would alter anything. Maybe it was her last chance to play mind games with me before the year was up. She knows she’s ruined my first week of summer break because I’ll be trying to figure out what she meant—waking up in the middle of the nights sputtering, “But you haven’t even started yet!”

Ah, that’s probably not the case. She seems more of the scatterbrained than the sadistic type. If it was the case, then I commend her on keeping a straight face. There’s no way I could have knowing the ridiculousness that was coming out of my mouth.

The Last Round

Place your bets!

Dead Head

Dead week is over, and it is now finals time. If you ask me that’s an appropriate name for this last week.

My patience is dead. Stop asking me if we have to do anything this week.

My hearing is dead because trust me, this week the kids amp up the stuff that comes out of their mouths. Their filters are completely off (you might say, “dead”). They can never make it to the end of the year. It’s just better to ignore them. You have to pick your battles.

The copy machines are dead with all the tests being photocopied.

As far as passing my class goes, the kids who didn’t do an ounce of work all year, they’re obviously dead.

My computer almost found itself dead, with the Student Support Director (WTF is that?) always sending e-mails on tips to pass along to the kids on how to deal with the stress of finals. We weren't about to have a pencil sharpening relay. Again, WTF?!

Now if you excuse me, I must check on one of the students in my back row. He finished his test super early and his head has been on his desk for the last thirty minutes. I need to see if he’s dead. By the drool flood he’s making, I doubt it.

Testing One, Two, Three

Tomorrow's the day—the first day of finals. There will be three finals tomorrow. I feel like I’m getting to be kind of a grizzly veteran on this whole teaching gig. So let me see if I can predict how they will go.

First Final: Since I have so many kids in this class exempt from the final, it will pretty much be just me and the kids who don’t have a chance in hell of passing. I’m talking about those needing 154 out of a 100 on the test. These kids have accepted their fates long ago. They’ll bubble in the Scantron for the sake of doing it, but will be finished in the first ten minutes so that they can do what they’ve done all year—go to sleep. While they snooze, I'll put their names on their test, since they don’t even do that.

Second Final: This class has a bunch of fence sitters (those teetering between letter grades) in it, so they’ll be in lawyer mode—arguing the semantics of every question, looking for any possible technicalities in the multiple choice questions to have them thrown out. I’ll have to be on my toes. I wish I could cite The People vs. My Foot Up Your Ass.

Third Final: This is my planning period, so there’s no final. Finally, I catch a break and I will have some peace and quiet to get a jump on next week’s end of the year hectic schedule. Unfortunately, I’ll be reading one of those backpacking through Europe on a budget books instead. It’s not that I’m going anywhere this summer. I couldn’t even afford a trip like that. Reading the book will have to do and hell, I didn’t even pay for that. I found it.

Wish me luck!