Categorized under: Hobo Teacher

Classic HT: Jazzercise

One of my kids asked me to come to his jazz band recital. Actually, I’d like to go. I know that sounds strange coming from me, but I just want to hear another noise come out of his mouth besides, “Screw this.”

Every time an assignment is given, every time notes are asked to be taken—a “Screw this.” Maybe he is trying to reach out. I don’t know, but let him do that with his behavior in the class. Then I’ll see about attending such things.

I ended up declining politely, but I was so tempted to use a, “Screw that!”

Categorized under: Hobo Teacher

Classic HT: The Boob Tube

At SLHS we have a video tech class, which handles the weekly video announcements (The Robber Baron Run Down). Yes, it is about as engaging as you might imagine. It’s sort of like reading a student newspaper. You know the articles are going to suck, but it’s not like you had to pay for the paper. The other day one of my students in this video tech class asked if I would do an interview for next week’s segment.

“What for?” I asked, already wary. Honestly, the more under the radar I am, the better.

“Ya’ know. See, I’ve got this great idea for a segment—could be a weekly thing if it goes well. What it’s like to be a teacher!” she quipped, “A ‘behind the music’ kinda’ thing. Teacher reality! You know?”

Teacher reality, huh? Could anything be more mundane and gut-wrenching at the same time? Do people really wanna’ watch me play Guess Who Forgot To Put Their Name On The Test by checking attendance records vs. process of elimination, cross-checked with my uncanny ability to distinguish the scantron bubbling patterns of 180 students?

Oh yeah, I’ve picked up all sorts of strange skills, none of which would translate into a job with a Fortune 500 company, naturally, but still fascinating nevertheless. What makes her think they’ll care about how I have to hide my correction fluid from 6th period, so the girls in the back of the room won’t start painting their nails with it? Oh yeah, I’d better put that kid, who never changes out of his The Used t-shirt, in that group too.

“Sure,” I said, “Sounds great. Just let me know when.”

Why crush her dream of what an intriguing piece this is going to be? I’ll just let it dawn on her in editing while she’s trying to figure out how to blend the voice over and choose the background music for the segment where I’m alphabetizing the tests for quicker entry into my grade book.

I’m gonna’ suggest something “upbeat.” Maybe “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves or “Holding Out for a Hero” by Bonnie Tyler.

Categorized under: Hobo Teacher

Classic HT: Freaking Germ Factories!

I have a conspiracy theory for you. Follow me through the looking glass, if you will.

Big Insurance along with Big Medical Conglomerates along with the Pharmaceutical Industry all came together to design the education system as we know it.

How else can you explain the logic behind cramming thirty crotch rubbing, non-teeth brushing, [insert your own tag here] gross mongers into a tight space and insist on entertaining “kinesthetic learning strategies” (“Everyone! Let’s all touch stuff and pass it around! All together now!”).

No thank you. I’m quite content lecturing up here–at a safe distance–with my gas mask on. And when you’re done with that hall pass, would you just burn it, please?

When’s the next break?

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Hobo Teacher

We’re teachers. We love teaching but, the thing is, it doesn’t really pay the bills. As a matter of fact, we picked up odd jobs along the way to help make ends meet. This really takes its toll when you add on the countless hours already spent at school, the lack of sunlight, and the […]Be Sociable, Share! Tweet read more